Welcome Spencer - the Bitter and the Sweet

We got the call at 2:30 p.m. yesterday afternoon that we could pick up Spencer at 5:30 p.m. and sign paperwork and bring him home to our family. Wow! It was really going to happen. It would be a legal-risk placement but actually less of a risk than we took with A.J.

We arrived promptly at 5:30 p.m. but Spencer and his mom were running late, stuck in traffic. We went ahead and paid our placement fee and waited. It was about 45 minutes later when they arrived.

Five years ago, it was hard to watch A.J.'s birthmom say goodbye to him. But I couldn't even imagine how hard it was for her because I was pretty naive in those days about a mother's love.

Last night, it was excruciating to watch Spencer's mom say goodbye to him. I can't even think about it without crying again. She held him close and kept whispering, "I love you. I love you." My heart just shattered right there for both of them. What a brave, strong woman.

Once his mom left the room, he totally broke down. "Mommy. Mommy," he cried over and over again. My heart broke all over again. There was no consolling him, or me at that point. We just cried together. That was the bitter.

I signed my portion of the paperwork through tears and James was the strong one, thank goodness one of us could be.

Once that was done, I asked Spencer if he wanted to go home and play with the trains. He stopped crying, got in the car and we came home.

I had all the images in my mind of pictures at the agency and going out to dinner to celebrate. By time we finished it all, it was about 7:20 and we were in no shape to take pictures or to go out to dinner. We just came home.

Spencer did pretty well once we got here. He played trains with James and A.J. while I fixed dinner. He didn't each much dinner but that was OK. He took his night time medicine, but an hour later was still just as wound up so we gave him the rest of his dose.

We read for awhile and then it was time for sleep. Spencer cried for mom again but he let me hold him and sing to him this time and he went ot sleep pretty quick. That was the sweet.

He only woke up once at about 12:30 this morning and I got up with him, rocked him back to sleep and then decided to sleep on a mat on his floor in case it kept happening. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well and woke up with a stiff back this morning.

He woke up hungry and ready to eat a good breakfast. Apple sauce, yogurt and oatmeal. Not bad for a boy I've hardly seen eat anything. Here's A.J. and Spencer eating breakfast:

We've had a pretty good day so far. We went to Costco for a few more things, had lunch, took A.J. to school. All the usual things. We'll have to see how haircuts go this afternoon.

We did manage to get a family picture this morning, even on the first try:


There was a Child Services hearing this morning about Spencer and his siblings. They were hoping to get a relinquishment from the legal father at the hearing and it didn't happen. Because they scheduled the hearing on such short notice, it was a new judge and new attorney's involved. In the first bit of wisdom I've seen from the state in this case, the judge rescheduled the hearing for a time when the original judge who is familiar with the case could hear it. So we are back to hoping they can get relinquishment from the legal father before then. I guess he told today's judge that he was ready to sign and the attorney representing him asked for that to be struck from the record. Oh bother!

I am sure there is more to say, but I am still physically and emotionally tired from last night. Watch for more about Spencer and A.J. soon.

Spencer meets Geo Trax

Adopting a three year old is so different from adopting a new born. When we adopted A.J., we met his birthmom before he was born once, and then we picked him up when he was two days old and that was that. Well, not really because we had that whole issue with his birthfather later. But really, the adjustment was much like what every first time parent goes through and A.J. doesn't remember anything, except being apart of our family.

This time, we are trying to bring a child into our family who already has a mom and a dad. He has a sister and a brother who he lives with now. I can't even imagine what he must think about what is going on right now. He doesn't talk much. Mostly just nods. So all we can do, is read his body language. But we are trying to make the transition as smooth as possible.

This afternoon, we brought him over to our home to get to know us better for a few hours. In the car on the way to our house, even with a movie on in the car, he seemed completely freaked out by what was happening. But he walked right in the door, took one look at the Geo Trax and went right to work. Pretty soon, James had built him quite a track to make all the trains go round and round.


A.J. brought over Addison to meet him too. Then he told Jen (Addison's mom), "Allow me to introduce you to my brother." So Jen and Keaton came over too. Again, Spencer's little face showed he was a bit freaked out. A new surrounding and so many new people. We put the bounce house up outside but all Spencer wanted to do was play Geo Trax. Thank goodness for Geo Trax.

A.J. played some too. Here they are together:

They look like good brother huh? Even if A.J. dwarfs Spencer in size.

We had dinner but Spencer didn't eat much. I guess the medication he is on doesn't leave him much of an appetite. After dinner, he went right back to playing Geo Trax. More neighbors stopped by and soon we had a house full again, and everyone, young and old was playing Geo Trax. Spencer just kind of sat there, trying to take it all in but a little scared about all the new people.

We took him back to his current home and he was soon back to his old self. Running around and playing with his brother and sister there. A.J. even joined in with the running around and playing for a few minutes.

As with A.J.'s adoption, things aren't going so smoothly on the legal side right now. For two weeks, LDS Family Services has been trying to get a reliquishment from Spencer's legal father. So far, it hasn't happened. Because he is in prison, they have to work with a Correction's social worker to arrange a time for him to sign. So far they've had little luck getting Corrections to even call them back. So placement will not happen this weekend like we had planned.

At first I was really disappointed because it's what we had planned. But now I think it will be nice to give Spencer a few more days to transition. We will see him tomorrow when we go to Barnyard Boo at Thanksgiving Point with his current extended family. Then on Sunday, we will bring him over here for a few hours before we take him to meet some cousins and an Aunt and Uncle. It gives us time to get his room finished and all ready for him. It's all cleaned out, but there is no furniture in it yet. Just toys and his name on the wall, thanks to Jen who made a name swag for him.

The other major challenge to this adoption is Child Protective Services. Because a negligance complaint was filed on his current mother, the state is going to hold a hearing on Tuesday and possibly place Spencer and his siblings in supervised custody. If that happens, she can't place Spencer for adoption through a private agency. We are hoping for an end run that will make it possible for us to have him in our family by then. Right now we are left with convincing everyone to do a legal risk placement on Monday or hoping they can get a relinquishment from the legal father before the hearing on Tuesday.

The hero of the story is the lead adoption worker at our LDS Family Services office, Lorna and her fellow caseworkers who are working on this case. When Spencer's mother came through the door, Lorna immediately thought of our family for him. When her boss was ready to through in the towel and conceed to the State, she convinced her the fight wasn't over. She told us tonight that she feels strongly that this placement needs to take place for Spencer's sake and for ours.

We're just praying she is right and leaving it in God's hands. To be continued, I'm sure. . .

Introducing Spencer

Two weeks ago today, we got a call from the head caseworker at our LDS Family Services office. She was wondering if we would be open to consider an unusual adoption situation. An adoptive mother was looking to place a three-year old with some special needs. She had narrowed it down to three profiles, including ours. Would we be interested?

I hung up the phone and called James and ran it by him. Of course, he thought of dozens of questions I hadn't even thought of. But James is very skeptical of these situations. I knew when he didn't rule it out in the first five minutes, that this could really happen.

We took the night to think about it and called the caseworker back the next day and grilled her for more information, like his name: Spencer. My final question to her was if there were still two other families being considered. Well, no. One withdrew themselves because they have a pending adoption. Between the other two families, she preferred ours. The adoptive mom had also shown the profiles to her father and to her best friend. They both picked ours. I asked to see a picture and she told me to come get it. This is what I got:


Cute, huh? At this point we were overwhelmed and wondering what we were really getting ourselves into. Could we welcome him into our family and give him the structure, love and home that he needs? Would I be able to keep up with a boy already being treated for ADHD?

After a day of fasting and prayer, we agreed to meet him on that Friday. What can I say? James and I fell in love with him right away. He warmed right up to us and loved the truck we brought as a little present. His engaging smile sucked me right in. Our Spencer.

That night we told A.J. he would be getting a new brother. He told Addison and McKenna (our neighbors) that he wouldn't be able to play as much with them because he would be playing with his new brother.

Then we left for vacation. I woke up from a nap on Sunday afternoon at the hotel and looked around with a distinct feeling that someone was missing. Spencer.

Today, I took A.J. to meet him. Holy cow are we in for some crazy days ahead. Spencer was showing off for A.J. and they were running around together throwing things and having a grand old time. Spencer was a bit rough with him, but A.J. was a great big brother and didn't get rough back. When Spencer ran off, A.J. went after him and brought him back. They were even holding hands.

Spencer reminds me a lot of A.J. at three and a half. He puts everything in his mouth. He likes to run away. Get into everything. Gets aggressive when he doesn't get his way. Maybe all three-year old boys are like that? Or maybe I just got two from the same mold.

But Spencer is speech delayed and isn't potty trained yet. So we have some fun days ahead. I am going to have to step up my game a bit and be a better mom. Lots of structure from day one and lots of love. And I've got to get the house child-proof again. We used to joke that there was child-proof and there was A.J.-proof. I fear that Spencer-proof might be an entirely new level of security.

On Friday we get to bring him over to play for a couple of hours and if things go well, we will bring him home for good on Saturday after we meet all of his current family.

Spencer is not the name we had picked out for a boy. Our good friends named their son Spencer earlier this year and I am pretty sure we would not purposely use the same name. But it fits him and it was his birthmother's last name. So even though we have the option to change it, Spencer it will be.

With A.J. I had lots of promptings along the way that let me know that he was coming. I was talking to my friend Leigh about this a few weeks ago. She is also an adoption worker and an adoptive mother. She asked if I had any feelings about the next one. I told her that I had in the past, but nothing that made any sense. About three years ago, I had a feeling that my child had already been born and that we wouldn't be getting a newborn. When nothing came of it, I figured that I had been wrong. Now it makes sense. God prepares us in many ways and sometimes it doesn't make sense right away. It's one of those lessons I apparently have to learn over and over again in my life.

My friend Angie said the other day something that has really stuck out to me: "If God leads you to it, he will lead you through it." I am going to cut that out of vinyl and put it on my wall some where were I can see it every day.

Home At Last!

This morning we returned from our eight day adventure to Southern California. We are exhausted and I have quite the sun rash on my arms, but I even got James to admit he had fun today. The next several posts are the highlights of each of our stops along the way.

We started out our trip, flying to Orange County on Saturday, October 11. We arrived at about 9:30 in the morning and headed straight for Disneyland. We will never do that again. Combine the stress of last week (more about that in a future post) with the stress of packing and the stress of getting up early and getting to the airport and we were all too tired to really enjoy our day.

We spent most of Saturday at California Adventure riding the various rides there. We LOVE Soarin' over California! It is the best ride ever. I was sitting next to some ladies that had never been on it before. That's the best because they really started ooing and awing over everything. A.J. really wanted to catch the golf ball, but didn't. (Of course, it's just a movie so there is no golf ball.) We also decided to stand in line for Toy Story Mania. It's also a great ride. It's kind of like Astroblasters where you are shooting things, but the games change everytime you move. And it's 3D. Worth the wait for sure! We did make it over to Disneyland and went on the Jungle Cruise and Pirates. But we were too tired to do anything else and went back to the hotel. We heard the fireworks going off, but were too tired to even go look and see if we could see anything.

Sunday we had early entry and took full advantage. Because we stayed at the Disneyland Hotel, we even got to ride the Monorail. A.J. discovered his favorite ride at Disneyland is the Matterhorn. We spent the day getting on all the rides we could before the lines got too long. By that evening, the crowds were so big and we were so tired that we sat on a bench near the castle and waited two hours for the firework show. We also bought A.J. a Mickey Mouse Light Saber that he just loves. He played with it for those two hours while we waited for the fireworks and kept the family next to us pretty entertained. This is my fourth time at Disneyland with the same firework show, but it is AMAZING so it's well worth it.


Monday was so windy. The Santa Ana's were blowing hard and shut down a bunch of rides at both parks. When the park opened, we rushed over to ride Finding Nemo. If you've been to the park in the last year, you know that this ride routinely has a 60 minute wait even just a few minutes after the park opens. We were in the first group that got on submarines and it was still 30 minutes before we got on the subs and went for the ride. I'll never wait for it again, but it is a cute ride.

It was really fun to be there in October when the park was all decked out for Halloween. The Haunted Mansion is transformed into the Nightmare before Christmas this time of year and it is very cleverly done. I am glad we rented it and let A.J. watch it a few times so he understood what was going on. They also have Woody's Halloween Roundup going. Over all, it was a great time to go. Although maybe not on the weekend because of the crowds and the weather could have been a bit better.

But I got my churro and my Dole whip so all is good. That is why I go to Disneyland ya know.

It was also our first time staying on property. The Disenyland Hotel was conveinent but you are really paying for the location, not the rooms. They were just fine, but nothing too spectacular. But it was really cool when Chip was standing over by the elevator one morning.I also forgot to mention that we finally saw the prize patrol, not once but twice. This is my fourth trip to the park since they started the prize patrol thing and I've never seen them before. This time we saw them twice. Once when we were leaving the hotel the first day and again the last day in Downtown Disney. We got a "Year of a Million Dreams" lanyard and pins and also a "Year of a Million Dreams" mouse ears. Not too shabby.

Read on to hear about the rest of our vacation. I'll post more about our other big news tomorrow.

Moving Day

Tuesday was moving day. We spent the morning at Downtown Disney eating breakfast at the Rain Forest Cafe and blowing a wad at World of Disney.

Then we waved goodbye to Mickey and headed south the San Diego. We thought we left late enough to miss traffic but we didn't account for an accident in San Clemente that shut down I-5 or for a fire on Camp Pendleton that might as well have shut the freeway down. A.J. got car sick on the way down and we had to make another unscheduled stop to take care of that.

Our first stop in San Diego was Old Town. James and I discovered the Old Town Mexican Cantina on our first trip to San Diego and have been back each time we've gone. They have fresh homemade tortillas that you can watch being made right in the front window. The only problem, somewhere in the last ten years, they decided they need to put cilantro in everything. Who came up with that idea anyway?

Then we checked in at the Bahia Resort. The resort is a bit on the old side, but we were extremely pleased with the size of the room and the location. I would stay there again. They have their own private beach on Mission Bay and it is just a short walk to Mission Beach as well.

That evening, A.J. and I walked to Mission Beach to watch the sun set. It was so beautiful. It ended up being the only time we spent on the beach. A.J. enjoyed putting his feet in the water and I enjoyed watching him and watching the sun slip behind the Pacific Ocean. Here are some pictures:

Shamu! Shamu!

Wednesday meant Sea World. James and I went to Sea World years ago and didn't really enjoy it. Let me just say, it is sooooooo much better with a kid in tow. Even though he was whiny and told us he wasn't going to have any fun.

James favorite show was the Dolphins but A.J. and I loved the Shamu show, Believe. Even though we sat in the "Wet zone" and didn't get a drop of water on us, it was spectacular.

There are only three "adult" rides at Sea World. Wild Arctic is a helicopter simulator ride that is kind of like a weak version of Star Tours. I got a bit sick, but not too bad. We got drenched on Shipwreck rapids (just fine since it was very warm that day). Then there is Journey to Atlantis. I don't even know how to explain it except that I read it is Splash Mountain meets the Matterhorn. Very different ride. Lots of fun and pretty wet. Here's A.J. and I on it:

They also have a new area with a Sesame Street theme with some kiddie rides and a big play area. And of course, a character greeting area where we got to give Burt, Ernie and Cookie a big hug!
All in all, a fun day. We will be going back to Sea World again someday, but not too soon.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

Thursday was our San Diego Zoo day. I love this zoo! So many cool animals to see that our local zoo either doesn't have anymore (polar bears and hippos) or never had to begin with (Pandas and Koalas). The exhibits are amazing and you can just tell the animals are well taken care of.

This was my third time at the zoo and we actually got to see the Pandas this time. The first time we went, the line was too long. The second time we went, the exhibit was closed because there was a new Panda cub. I've seen them other places, but this time, there was no line and all the Pandas were out frolicking and eating.

A.J.'s favorites were the hippos. They were really active when we saw them, swimming around and playing with each other. We had to wait a few minutes to see the polar bears, but it was worth it when they came out and started eating and walking around. And of course, who doesn't love the Koalas. We even got to see a mommy and her little joey.

Here's some fun pictures from our day:

Just monkeying around

We warned A.J. to never smile at a crocodile.

It was a great day, with great weather and our feet weren't too worse for the wear. We went back to the hotel to swim and hang out and get to bed early to be ready for another day of adventure.

Come On Let Me Take You on a Habor Cruise

Friday was all about the San Diego Harbor and Beach.

We started the day on the USS Midway, a decommissioned air craft carrier that has been turned into a museum. This was all for James who loves military history. It was very interesting though and A.J. enjoyed it too. The tour goes through the bunking quarters to see how the sailors lived when they were on board. Can't believe how little *personal* space there is on such a big ship.

We took our turn being locked up in the brig:

A.J. took a turn in the *Boss* chair in the air traffic control center of the tour:



And a turn at the wheel: The hanger and the flight deck also have a few dozen aircraft. Of course, A.J. and James both loved that part. Here's A.J., ready for take off:

Next, it was on to the Harbor Cruise. Last time James and I visited San Diego, this was the favorite part of our trip. We took the two hour cruise that features both the North Bay and the South Bay. I love the North Bay with it's views of Downtown and Shelter Island and Point Loma. James loves the South Bay with it's views of the ship yards and Coronado. We also saw sea lions, lots of birds and several different airplanes and helicopters taking off from the US Naval airbase. A.J. thought the whole thing was great until we didn't get off the boat after the first half. Here we are at the front of the boat headed out toward Shelter Island:The USS Tarawa was coming into port while we were out on the cruise. We got to see it come all the way from the entrance to the bay, all the way down to where it went into the pier. We even got to see a Navy patrol boat push a sail boat out of the way that got too close to the ship. Here's James checking out the Tarawa.


After the Harbor Cruise, we went back to our hotel and walked to Belmont Park -- an old fashioned amusement park right at Mission Beach. We rode the old fashioned wooden roller coaster a couple of times and the bumper cars a few times. But A.J.'s favorite ride was this one that went up and down randomly called the vertical plunge:

They really made what out of Legos?

The last day of our trip was spent at Legoland. We had heard a lot of mixed reviews of this place. We put it on and off our agenda several times but in the end we went. No regrets from me. I think A.J. might have liked it better than Disneyland.

I felt like I was at a serious disadvantage here, because I know how to do Disneyland. I know what rides to hit first thing in the morning (before the crowds) and I know what is just not worth waiting in any line for. Not so at Legoland. It's all new and no one has written an "unofficial guide" yet. But we did our best. We started out the day going to the right (because I'd heard most people go to the left first).

The best ride there is the Technic Coaster -- a great little coaster that is tame enough that A.J. didn't hide, but with a bit of a "wild mouse" flavor to it. The worst ride was Treasure Falls -- a log flume ride that was too short, too wimpy and too slow loading. Of course, the degree to which we liked these rides is almost directly propotionate to how long we spent in line waiting for them. We hit the coaster first and walked straight on. We hit the Log Flume ride around noon and waited 45 minutes for a 30 second ride. When I saw the sign that said it would be 45 minutes from this point, I thought it couldn't be possible. You could see the loading point for the ride and it wasn't that far from the end. But it's about the slowest loading ride I have ever seen!

But my most favorite part of the day was running into (well, actually she ran into me) my *old* friend Ali Paxton (or as I like to call her, my friend formally known as Alice-Marie) who was also in Legoland with her family. We were waiting in line for the Knight's Joust and I heard this "Excuse me, can I get up there with my family." I knew that voice sounded too familiar and her kids looked familiar to me too. How ironic. We grew up together in Martinez and now we both live in the general Salt Lake area, but we had to go to Southern Cali to run into eachother. I wish I had thought to take a picture.

The thing that I loved the most about the park though was Miniland USA. I wasn't prepared for how much I would love to see some of USA's great cities and landmarks made entirely out of Legos. New York, San Francisco, Washington D.C., Las Vegas etc. I just couldn't stop taking pictures of all the little buildings and all the details put into them. Here's my beloved San Fran:

Over all, I would recommend Legoland to anyone with little kids who have had any exposure to Legos. The rides are geared for younger kids (very little for the true thrill seeker) and there are lots of places to get really wet if that is on your agenda. Here are some more pictures:
A.J. fighting Lego Darth Vadar with a Lego light saber with Lego R2D2 standing watch.

A.J. and James with Lego Indy.

One of many water themed areas of the park.


A.J. got eaten by a Lego Lion!

We stayed the last night in Santa Ana, very near the John Wayne Airport. Not fun to have to move again, but we still had to get up before 6:00 a.m. to make our flight this morning and any earlier might not have been worth going to bed for. It's good to be home though. We have lots to do this week!

R.I.P. Curls

I love A.J.'s curls. James loves A.J.'s curls. I love that they are big and soft. They are so much a part of who he is. Or should I say they were so much a part of who he is.

Last Friday, A.J. was upstairs being too quiet. I should have suspected something, but I was sick and was enjoying the peace and quiet for a few minutes. When he came down stairs, this is what I saw:

It's a little hard to tell from this picture, but he cut the front part of his hair, almost down to the scalp. I asked him why he did it and he said it was because he hates his curls. Too sad.

This is what he looks like now:


Maybe I will be able to convince him to grow them back someday. This does kind of expose his scar a bit, but he's not worried about that at all.

One more picture to show. This is how we found A.J. when we went in to check on him after he was asleep on Sunday night:

Yep, that is the head from his Rolie Polie Olie costume that he wore for Halloween when he was two. And while he doesn't usually sleep with that on his head, he does really sleep with all of those animals and blankets everynight. He calls them his "family." We call it his nest.