Giving Thanks

I love Thanksgiving. I love turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and green bean casserole and pumpkin pie and hot fresh rolls and I could go on all day.

But I love Thanksgiving for a lot of other reasons too. It's the one holiday that is just about the things that really matter: family, friends and giving thanks to God for our bounty. Thanksgiving has escaped a lot of the commercialism that has crept into Christmas and Easter and all the other great holidays and detracted from their true meaning.

I have so much to be thankful for this year. I have been richly blessed in so many ways, big and small.

-My three handsome, wonderful, charming guys: James, A.J. and Spencer. They make my life very interesting, keep me on my toes and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

-The gift of adoption without which, I wouldn't have my two boys. My heart is full of thanks for them and for everyone who made it possible for them to be in our forever family.

-The rest of my family. My brothers and their families, parents, in laws, aunts, uncles and cousins and for the amazing grandparents that went before us too.

-This free country where I can vote, go to the church I choose and say whatever I want. And for the men and women who have sacrificed so I can have those freedoms.

-The knowledge that I am a child of God and that he loves me and wants what is best for me and my family. And to know that he hears and answers prayers.

-My many varied and wonderful friends. I am very lucky to have so much friendship and support in my life. I would be lost with out it.

-That we have a home to live in, cars to drive, clothes to wear, food to eat, toys to play with, heat in the winter and A.C. in the summer and no one is threatening to take them away. In these tough economic times, so many people can't say the same thing. We are blessed.

-Technology. I'm an internet junkie. I love blogs, Splitcoast, on line shopping and now facebook. I love how easy it makes it to keep in touch with my friends and family.

-Creativity. Elder Uchtdorf at the last general women's broadcast said it is one of the keys to happiness. For me, it is a big one. I am happy when I create, and I slip into the doldrums when I don't.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Me?!?!? On Facebook?!?!?

Last Spring, my childhood friend Linda Valentine sent me an invite to join Facebook. I just didn't want to go there. After all, part of James' job is to find people using social networking sites for illegal purposes and I did some work for an internet safety group a few years back. Those sites are evil, right?

Well, this last week, I got two more invites from people I know. So I decided to check it out and see what it is all about.

If you know me, you know that I don't just do something, I do it big. I started by accepting the invites I already had and then I went to town finding people from my past and present.

And people have found me. My prom date, Mark Davidson, found me yesterday. Not even sure how that happened because I don't know enough about the site yet. But it was fun to reminisce about the past and reconnect with an old friend.

Here is the strange thing to me: I have always lived my life in a very compartmentalized fashion. When I was a child and a teenager, I had school friends and church friends. I didn't mix them up much and I actually acted quite differently around them. At school I was a quiet, studious, a band geek and a "GATE" kid (another word for nerd.) At church, I was loud, fun and the life of the party.

I've kind of carried that on to today. I have friends from work, friends from college, friends that I've kept close to from my growing up years. I have friends from my neighborhood and church now, and friends from our old apartment days. And I have my SCS stamping friends. (I used to call them my virtual friends but I actually met most of them at convention last summer so they are virtual to me no more.)

Occasionally over the years, there was overlap among these groups, but in general, they all fit nicely in their own little compartments. I kind of liked that because I could share what parts or me I wanted with each group.

On Facebook, there is no compartmentalizing. (Or at least if there is I haven't figured it out yet.) My old high school classmates are right there with my old church friends, my new stamping friends, current church friends (including my Bishop), my family, work friends and an assortment of other people I have known through the years. It is a strange concept for me and I am still trying to figure out if I am OK with that.

I must be because I keep going back for more. I am having fun and feeling very nostalgic about the whole thing. One of the girls I went to school with posted these pictures her grandmother saved from the newspaper of various events. There was a picture of me the one and only time I ever got straight A's. It was one of my awkward phases but here it is:
Too funny! I even got in on the fun an uploaded some of my own photos from MJHS and AHS. Now do I find photos of the rest of my friends and post those too?

New Look!

I've been meaning to go out there and find a cute template for my blog but the one time I tried, it turned into a disaster.

My friend Brodi just started a blog with a great background and my SCS friends Kathy and Amy just updated the look of their blogs and they are so cute. It was time for me to figure it out.

I found this one with Paisleys! Any one who has known me for a long time knows I love paisleys. And I thought this looked a little Christmasy without just being a holiday look. And it was so easy!

Polar Opposites

It's been three weeks and counting since Spencer became part of our family. We still have our good and bad moments but it's a bit less sticky around here. The hardest part right now is that he wants to be around me all the time. If I go downstairs, he follows. If I go upstairs, he follows. If I leave without him, he cries. He wants me to be the one to feed him, change him, play with him, rock him to sleep, etc, etc. It's a bit exhausting and overwhelming at times, but it's an honor to be wanted too.

I know as a mom we aren't suppose to compare our children to each other, but the differences between A.J. in Spencer are so stark, it amazes me. For instance:

- A.J. is right-handed. Spencer is left-handed. The funny thing about that fact was I didn't even notice until we went to the doctor and she asked him to draw a circle for her. He picked the pen up with his left hand and she commented on it. Great, a stranger spends five minutes with my son and notice something about him that I hadn't after a week of living with him.

-A.J. loves to watch TV. Spencer doesn't. A.J. can be a little couch potato. Turn the TV on and he will watch it for hours and still complain when you turn it off. So far, Spencer doesn't care if it's on or off and if it happens to be on, he might watch it for a minute but then he is on to something else. That's good because TV isn't the best for you, but it's bad because it doesn't entertain and distract him so I can get something else done.

-Spencer loves toys. A.J. is mildly entertained by them, sometimes. Spencer can play with the same toy for a long time. He drives a car or a train around and around. He can build Mr. Potato Head over and over again. Or play with duplos forever. Toys have just never held A.J.'s attention for any length of time. He would play with one for a few minutes maybe and then is on to something else (likely TV).

-Spencer is a good eater. A.J. is picky (like me). Spencer will try anything and loves fruits and vegetables. His appetite isn't huge but there isn't much he doesn't eat. A.J. takes after me and has a discriminating palate. Apple Sauce and carrots (with Ranch) are about his extent of fruits and veggies. I know that is probably my fault for not exposing him to more at a younger age.

-A.J. is very verbal. Spencer, not so much. A.J. spoke very early and has talked like a little adult since he was a toddler. Spencer is speech-delayed and hard to understand. We are getting better about figuring out his words, but we need to work with him some more and get him caught up.

- Spencer is agile and fast. A.J., not so much. Spencer is a fire ball of energy. He can outrun us all and can turn on a dime. A.J. is good at running and jumping and all of that, but tends to take after me in the klutzy department. I think part of that is A.J.'s ear issues and the fact that he grows so fast that his coordination can't keep up. I'm sure that will change as he gets older. I think Spencer will be a good soccer player or sprinter.

-Spencer is in the fifth percentile for height. A.J. is in the 97th percentile. Just by looking at them, people are constantly amazed that Spencer is three and even more amazed that A.J. is five.

- Spencer loves to be a big helper boy. A.J., not so much. Spencer generally will pick up his toys, help cook dinner or any other chore I am trying to accomplish. A.J. is happy to just let you do it for him, or whine and complain the whole time he is doing it.

I think all these things have helped me recognize that they are individual people with different likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses that make them who they are and love them even more for them. Now if we could just get a bit of the good for both of them to rub off on the other, we'd be golden!

Dotting the "i"s and crossing the "t"s

This morning, Spencer's legal father relinquished his parental rights to LDS Family Services. That was the last hurdle we needed to make Spencer officially part of our family. It is a huge relief to have that behind us. It wasn't that he didn't want to sign, it was just getting his caseworker to call our caseworker back. James made a strategically placed call yesterday to someone he knows and, viola, we it's done.

We also found out that there was a Child Protect Services hearing yesterday and the judge, attorneys and caseworkers were all supportive of his placement with us. Not that there was much they could do at this point, but glad to have that behind us as well.

Now if we could just get the insurance company to add him to our policy, the world would be as close to perfect as we need right now.

On a whole, this week is going much better than last. Instead of molasses, it feels more like maple syrup. Still sticky, but the progress is coming a bit faster. A few less temper tantrums and a few more smiles and hugs. And just like A.J., Spencer's smile can light up this whole place.

Tomorrow, we are going to take him for a check up and medical evaluation at our clinic. It will be nice to get a doctor's opinion about his medications, development issues, etc. Next week we start counseling with him.

And tomorrow, we are also going to get new family pictures taken. A few times in the last week, Spencer has looked at our wall and pointed to our family pictures. I want him to know we think of him as part of our family when he looks at those pictures, even if he is not quite ready to do so himself.

A new day for America

Like a lot of people, I am relieved that the elections are finally over. It's been a long two years full of twists and turns. I look forward to the top stories of the news being anything but who said what about the other.

Sixteen years ago, I was very involved in the election cycle. As president of the College Republicans in one of the most conservative counties in America, I had a hard time picturing that the world could go on when my candidate lost. There were so many dire predictions about what would happen to this great country because it had been turned over the Bill Clinton and his crowd.

Not that I ever became a fan of Bill Clinton, but somehow our country survived eight years of him. We've also survived eight years of George W. Bush. One of the great things about America is that the political parties really agree on the big picture: a free and united country.

It is not like we are choosing between communism and democracy when we vote. We are choosing between two slightly different versions of the same government. OK, maybe a bit more than "slightly" but if you look at our parties in the scheme of the world, the major differences tend to be social issues that, while very important to a lot of people, aren't nearly as important as the right to vote, assemble, worship as we please and say what we feel without fear.

The founders also set up a government system with checks and balances. One person cannot have all the power and all the say so. And while one party is in control right now, history tells us that will change in the next few years. The American people tend to balance out the power between the parties every few years.

This year, my candidate didn't survive the primaries. I found myself a bit conflicted about the final election. Should I vote for the guy who fought against funding for Salt Lake's Olympic security plan? Should I vote for the guy who looks like my sons? Should I vote for the guy I would most like to sit down and have a conversation with? Should I vote for the person that I thought could be the best leader? Should I vote for the guy that most closely matched my views? Even my sons were divided on the issue with A.J. rooting for McCain because he reminds him of his grumpy grandpa (his words not mine) and Spencer who said "Rock Bama" when I asked him who he wanted for president.

By yesterday, I decided regardless of the outcome I would be excited. Either we would have the first woman vice president, or the first African American president. How amazing is that? And how exciting that so many people felt like they had a voice in this election and actually went to the polls. How can you argue with that. Democracy at work.

And when I heard President-elect Obama's speech last night, I was almost over come with emotion. He said the things that our country needed to hear. He seemed very presidential. His ability to unite our country will be tested in the next several months but I believe it will happen.

And on a very personal level, I love what it means for my boys. As a mom, I want the very best for them and I want them to grow up thinking they can be anything they want to be without any limits. Barack Obama proved that is true for them and for all people who look a different than our founding fathers. This morning I told A.J. that Obama's win means that he can be anything he wants, even president of the United States someday. His response, "I'll get to be the boss!"

It is a new day for America and I can't help but feel optimistic some how. I know there are still tough days ahead with the economy and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan but I believe America is a great country and will overcome the challenges before us. And even if they other guy had won, we still would have.

Brothers

The adjustment to having a new brother has been rough on A.J. and Spencer. But we have caught them in a few tender moments this week.

Here's A.J. pushing Spencer on the swing:

Here's James, A.J. and Spencer carving pumpkins on Halloween:


And here's our little trick or treaters ready for action:

Keep your hands inside the ride at all times. . . .

This week has been quite the roller coaster. There have been wonderful, tender moments when I think we are just so lucky and blessed. Then we have those moments where I wonder in the heck we've done to our family and will we ever have "normal" again.

Spencer is so full of ups and downs. He can be such a cute, fun kid one moment and hitting, scratching and screaming "NO!" the next. I know he is just going through regular adjustment phases, but it sure wears me out. He is testing the boundaries and trying to figure out how he fits into this crazy home full of weird strangers.

But we've come a long way in a week too. When we took him to Carl and Meg's for dinner last Sunday. He sat on the floor the whole time by himself playing with a truck and blocks and wouldn't eat a thing (until the carrot cake came out and that only lasted until he found a raisin in it.)

Today we went to see my cousin Andy bless his new baby and to a family dinner afterward. Spencer played with the other kids and actually ate quite a bit. Progress. Slow and steady. But progress.

I've compared it to swimming in molasses. We're making lots of motions, but hardly moving at forward at all. I think that is how it is going to be for awhile. Meanwhile, I am just trying to breathe in and out and put one foot in front of the other.

And I keep reminding myself of something Elder M Russell Ballard said at General Conference in April, "The joy of motherhood comes in moments." Motherhood isn't all happy, all the time, but there are those little moments that bring you joy. We are hoping in the near future there are more moments of joy and less moments of tears.