The Dreaded Griff

Why is it that women worry? I've had this conversation many times with various friends in the past few months. Even when life if going well and things seem perfect, how many times do we start worrying about when the proverbial "other shoe" will drop. Welcome to the dreaded "Griff" or "Great What if."

I actually learned all about the "Griff" from this wonderful series of books my bookclub read called "In the Company of Good Women" by Nancy Anderson, Lael Littke, and Carol Morris. While the name was new to me, the concept was not. Seems I've had the Griff with me most of my life. When I was younger it was simple things like: What if no one talks to me at school today? What if I forget my lunch again? What if everybody laughs at me?

Then I got a bit older and started worrying about some of life's bigger what ifs: What if I don't get into college? What if my grades aren't good enough to get into grad school? What if I never get married? What if I never have children? What if I only have one child?

It seems like this week, with A.J.'s surgery looming, the dreaded Griff has taken over my life. What if I don't get my boy back after surgery? What if there is brain damage and my brilliant, active boy isn't anymore? What if this is the last chance I have to make memories with my son? What if he really does have neurofibromitosis and we have to do these surgeries for the rest of his life!?!?

Now I know most times the Griff posses irrational questions and often when the more rational "what ifs" come true the outcome is far less devestating that previously feared. After all, I never even applied to grad school and my life has turned out fine.

The chances of anything going wrong with the surgery on Friday are every so slight. Of course the doctors have to tell you about them to cover themselves but sometimes I wish they wouldn't. It only feeds the Griff. I will just be glad when it is all behind us so I can tell the Griff to take a hike!